Ed, Edd n Eddy & Hyperdimension Neptunia: Eddy vs Noire
by AnthemHero
Summary: During their search for the legendary weapons of old, Eddy decides that he wants to prank Uni. It only goes south from there.


**_Disclaimer: This story is a work of fiction. I do not own the franchises used in this story. Ed, Edd n Eddy and it's characters are created by Danny Antonucci. Neptunia and it's characters are copyright Compile Heart and Idea Factory. Other than that, enjoy the fic._**

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Noire was many things. The current CPU of Lastation, a big sister, a so-called loner (By people she didn't care for) and a cosplayer (Not that she would want to admit that.). But there was one thing that wasn't on that list.

"Come on you two! Hurry it up!"

And that was patient.

The search for the temple hiding the weapons of the legendary warriors was not going well for Noire. Nor was it going well for her little sister Uni. Not even Eddy, the so-called reincarnation of one of the three legendary warriors along with his friends Ed and Double D, was enjoying the search for the ancient weapons.

Speaking of him and his friends, Noire was still very skeptical about the fact that someone as dense as the taller green coat wearing Ed, someone as feeble as the orange shirt wearing Double D, or as con happy as the yellow polo wearing Eddy, could be reincarnations in the first place. Not to mention the fact that they probably shouldn't be friends in the first place, given that Eddy was a massive source of problems for the dense oaf and the scrawny genius. The only reason they probably were even still friends was the fact that Ed was an utter buffoon and Double D had a high tolerance for Eddy's stupidity. At least, that's what Noire thought was going on between the three Eds.

If that wasn't annoying enough, there was also the fact that Eddy seemed to love to prank the ever loving daylights out of Neptune and Nepgear ever since he got here. Every bit of it was utterly childish on the short boy's part, from buckets of ice-cold water being poured on the sisters when they opened the door, to Eddy chasing Neptune around with an Eggplant in his hands. But it seemed to go too far when Eddy pulled his friends into his practical jokes. Noire looked at the short boy in annoyance, remembering when he and the other Eds scared poor Nepgear half to death by pretending they were damaged by cleavers and other kitchen utensils. At least Double D had the decency to apologize to the older-looking sister. That didn't save them from a massive scolding from an angry Histoire, followed by Ed and Eddy being forced to apologize a hundred times to Nepgear, courtesy of an angry Neptune and an stern-looking Vert.

It was also when Noire made a mental note that she should never, under any circumstances, let Eddy prank her own sister. If he even so much as tried to, he would face the unchained wrath of Black Heart.

"Coming Sis!" She heard Uni yell as her pig-tailed little sister came into view, right behind the con-artist Ed. Noire had to admit, she was rather surprised that Eddy was faster on his feet than Uni was. Must've been a short person thing.

"You got any idea where we're supposed to look, Noire?" Eddy said with a hint of annoyance. "We've been wandering this forest forever."

"Uh, Eddy... It's only been like five minutes." Her sister replied. "Sis... you do know where we're going, right?"

Noire could only sigh in defeat. "No, Uni. I don't have a clue where we should look first." She answered. "All I know is it has to be in an old place located somewhere in Planeptune. Ugh. If only that idiot knew the location, then maybe we wouldn't be in this predicament."

"Wow, Noire. I thought you were supposed to do everything." The short boy replied sarcastically, a smirk adorning his face. "So much for that, huh? Uni, you must be so upset, knowing your sister's not what she makes herself out to be."

"Shut up, you idiot!" The twin-tailed girl said with annoyance in her voice. "Just because I can do everything doesn't mean I'll have every answer!"

"Ain't you a goddess or something?" Eddy asked, the smirk still lined on his face. "Surely you of all people can find what we're looking for by using your goddess powers or something like that. You'd make it a piece of cake!"

"I'm not going to waste my time transforming just so you can delight in your perverse fantasies." Came Noire's response, a flush forming on her face, remembering how the short Ed somehow landed with his face in Vert's massive chest and how he didn't want to leave there.

"Jeez, Miss Perfecto. What's with the blush on your face?" Eddy kept the smirk on his face, something Noire really wished she could wipe off. "Well if you ain't gonna bother finding it, I'm gonna start looking myself! Smell ya later, Lonely Heart!" He said before racing off deeper into the forest.

"I am not lonely!" Noire responded angrily before growling in frustration at the con-artist's stupidity.

"Hey! Eddy! Wait up!" Uni said, a hint of worry in her voice. She knew all to well that she and Noire would have no problems going through the entirety of this forest, not caring what kinds of threats would come their way. She knew that because she was a CPU Candidate. And Noire was a CPU. Eddy, on the other hand, had no such luxury. He was a human, through and through. Not to mention, he was a human from a world way different from hers. His life would be in danger... at least until they found the legendary weapons.

So she naturally followed the short Ed, concern clearly in her face as she wandered around, looking for him. It was times like this when Uni wished she had the same ability to do everything like her big sister could. That way at least, she would have a far easier time looking around for whoever and whatever she needs to. Though, there were other reasons why she would want to be like her sister... such as an increase in her... assets while transformed.

Uni shrugged off the thoughts and continued her search for Eddy. "Eddy, come on!" She said, starting to get annoyed. "If Noire sees you goofing off, she'll really blow a fuse on you."

"Over here, Uni!" Eddy said, no longer cocky, but more annoyed if anything. The pig-tailed girl looked around for the boy... and her eyes went wide.

"Hey! Help me out of this molasses. It's trying to swallow me." The short Ed said, trying to pull himself out of the dark substance he was sinking in.

Uni looked at the Ed, her concern becoming even bigger than before. Eddy, noticing the worry on Uni's face, looked back with the same concern on his face that she had.

"No... No, no, no, no, no, no, no..." Uni chanted in panic. "Eddy, don't make any sudden movements... that's quicksand you're sinking in!"

If Eddy could jump, he would. "QUICKSAND!" He yelled out instead. "CRAP! I'M DONE FOR!"

"Oh Noire. What do I do? What do I do!?" Uni looked around, her worry shifting into maximum overdrive. She couldn't even remember a time when she was in such a panicked state, unless it involved Nepgear. Her eyes roamed the area, hoping to find a solution to her problem. What could she even do at a time like this.

Then, she saw a pair of twin-tails that she couldn't be happier to see.

"Noire! Over here!" Uni said, the panic clear in her voice. Noticing this, the twin-tailed goddess quickly ran towards her sister's location and looked at her panicked expression. "Please help! Eddy's sinking in quicksand and I... I don't know what to do!"

Noire looked down at the sinking Ed, his eyes showing an immense amount of fear and worry. A little... too much fear and worry.

And that was when Noire got pissed. Not the kind of pissed like when in the animation the other goddesses found out about her cosplay hobby... no. This was way more tranquil than that. With anger on her face, she boldly challenged the quicksand by stepping into it, reaching to Eddy and pulling him out by his hand singlehandedly, only to walk back out and place him on the ground next to her sister.

"My heroine!" The short Ed exclaimed, his hand raised in the air. "Give me, five, Noire!"

"If that's what you want..." Noire said, her voice still tranquil, but with a hint of rage.

Then she smacked Eddy.

"YEOW!" He said. "Hey! What's the big id..."

He was interrupted when Noire smacked Eddy in the face again. And again. And again. And again.

"Oh wait... I think I miscounted." Noire's red eyes were shining with fury. "Here, let me fix that!" She said, her hand raised in the air again, ready to strike.

It wasn't until Uni stepped in that Noire stopped her attack.

"Sis! What's going on? This isn't like you at all!" Uni's concern was now aimed towards her sister, who didn't seem to understand anything.

"Uni... this... this..." Noire pointed at Eddy, her rage seething out. "This idiot of a boy was tricking you!"

"H-huh?"

Noire stepped into the mush that the CPU candidate thought was quicksand. "This 'quicksand' only reaches to my ankles!" She proved her point as she slowly sank down with the 'quicksand' only reaching the ankles, just as Noire said. "So excuse me if I'm a little angry at... no... I shouldn't start yelling at you for falling for it." She angrily stepped out of the quicksand and pulled on Eddy's polo. "I should be yelling at YOU! How dare you trick MY sister like that! Especially after what happened between you, your friends and Nepgear!"

Eddy simply scowled. "Hey, it ain't my fault that yours and Neptune's sisters are so gulli…" Another smack across the face came the short Ed's way, courtesy of an angry CPU.

"Shut up." Noire said. "I've had it up to here with you, you no good con-artist!" She lifted Eddy in the air up high, his legs flailing in panic. This time, though, Uni could see the fear in his eyes was much more genuine than what he had when he was 'sinking'. "You are nothing more than a horrible, conning, prank obsessed, dense and short IDIOT who had no redeeming qualities whatsoever!" Eddy continued looking at Noire in fear, though a little upset that she called him short. "You pull your so-called friends so far down that you and them might as well already sunk into quicksand... nine times over!" The raven-haired CPU threw Eddy to the ground, rage still on her face.

Then, Eddy looked back at her with anger. "Well I'm sorry that I can't be like you! Claiming to be perfection given form and not having any friends!"

"I'd rather not have friends at all than have friends like your pathetic ass!" Noire yelled. "Honestly, I don't even know why those two even bother to put up with you!"

"That's because they're my friends!" Eddy argued back. "And friends stick by you through thick and thin! Not that you'd know anything about that, Lonely Heart!"

"I may not have friends, but at least I don't treat people like the dirt on my shoes!" Noire countered. But before Eddy could even reply, Noire continued. "And seriously. I can understand why Ed wouldn't know better than to not stick with you, considering all of his brain power went to him having a big heart. But Double D. That poor guy. He's smart. He's resourceful. He's kindhearted. And yet he still puts up with you and your utter idiocy. Sure he has a brain, but he'd much rather use it for inventing things like Nepgear rather than thinking 'Wait. This guy in the Yellow Polo is a jerk and I should probably keep as far away from him as I can.'"

"Don't you go mocking my friends, you damn loner!" Eddy yelled back.

"Again, so what if I'm lonely... at least I'm not friends with a jerk like you! Someone who has to trick his friends into being his friends because he doesn't have a single bone in his body that even shows an ounce of compassion for anyone and is so... so vain!" Noire scowled and glared at Eddy. "You wanna know what you're worth? Nothing. As far as I'm concerned, you're no reincarnation of a warrior. You're just some pathetic little brat trying to make friends by deceiving them and making them think you're great when in reality, you're nothing more than a little speck on my shoes." Noire suddenly looked to her sister. "C'mon Uni. We're out of here."

"But sis..." Uni looked worried at Eddy, then back to Noire. "... What about the legendary weapons?"

"We don't need them." Noire scowled. "And we definitely don't need punks like him. We're goddesses, Uni. We'll just take down that monster. By ourselves if we have to. Don't worry... I'll make sure nothing comes to harm you. Even if it means giving my life." With that, Noire started to walk away, Uni slowly following her... that is... until she heard something.

"You must really be happy, you two..." Eddy said in a low voice, which sounded like it had a mix of anger and... sadness?

Noire and Uni turned back with Noire speaking. "Who gave you the right to talk back, you little..."

"SHUT UP!" Eddy yelled as loud as he could, scaring the two goddesses, mostly because they didn't expect this from the shortest Ed. "You two... and Neptune and Nepgear… the both of you sisters just PISS ME OFF!" Eddy's fists were clenched as hard as he could. The goddesses could feel the sheer hatred and envy in his voice.

"Eddy?" Uni looked at Eddy once again with concern on her face.

"You girls don't know what it's like... to have a sibling that irritates you... that scares you..." Eddy glared at the two girls. "Granted, neither does Double D. Because he doesn't have to deal with crap like that, seeing as he's an only child." His fists were clenched tighter. "You wanna know why I've been pranking Nepgear and Neptune all this time? Why I tried tricking your sister?" He glared at both of the dark-haired and red-eyed goddesses. "Because I envy people like you!"

"E... envy?" Noire looked shocked to hear someone was envious of her. Though it was more negative than positive.

"Yeah! Envy!" Eddy's glare was focused on Uni. "Do you know what it's like... to have a younger sibling that will beat on you for anything you do and anything you want to do?" His teeth started to grind. "Because Ed sure does. His stupid brat of a sister Sarah. Just thinking about her and her stupid friend Jimmy enrages me to no end. It's bad enough that every time we even do something that that... that... DEMON of a girl will beat the crap out of us, but it makes it worse when Jimmy of all people gets away with it with the only ones being punished being me and the others!" He then looked at Noire. "But you know what? I'm more than willing to deal with what Ed has to go through and me getting beaten up by that little sister of his. It's better than the hell my brother puts me through!"

Noire looked at Eddy and could only say one word. "W-what?"

"Yeah. I said it. My brother is even worse than Ed's little devil of a sister!" Eddy said. "Heck, I wouldn't be surprised if he really was a demon in disguise considering everything he put me through!" He gripped his fists tighter, starting to draw blood from his palms. "You know why I'm the way I am? Why I'm such a pathetic little jerk? It's because my brother was an abusive monster! He tormented me and used me like a punching bag every chance he got! He used me as a test dummy for every one of his stupid pranks. Every 'game' he played with me consisted of me getting the pulp beaten out of me. And you know what my parents did about it? NOTHING!" He screamed. "They did nothing to stop my brother until he had to go live on his own. And when he did, boy was I glad. Because I thought I never would have to hear from him again!"

"Wait a minute..." Uni looked to Noire, then back to her fellow younger sibling. "You mean you were in an abusive relationship with your brother?"

"No, I had the greatest relationship with him. We were inseparable." Eddy said with an immense amount of sarcasm. "Yes I was in an abusive relationship with my brother! He was nothing but a bully to me! Torturing me to no end! I'm so afraid of him that I even lied to everyone about how he was the greatest brother ever! I told lies like he was this and he was that! I even tried to convince everyone that he was going to come over to the cul-de-sac... something that scared Rolf and Kevin so hard! The only ones that saw past it were Jimmy and Sarah, the little devils..." Eddy closed his eyes, trying to hold back the tears, as his voice became solemn. "My brother was a wiz at tormenting me... I wouldn't be surprised that he would beat the ever loving crap out of my pals. Or even Kevin and Rolfy-boy. I'd rather deal with Blanc using her goddess powers to beat me up than deal with my brother. Heck, I'd rather have dealt with Neptune and Vert hurting me anyways for tormenting Nepgear than deal with him. That's how much I hate him. How much I'm afraid of him. How much... he made me who I am today... a foul up... wannabe loser..."

Then the damn that he was holding back finally broke... tears flowed from Eddy's eyes like an endless river. His sorrow heavy and the sadness in his heart even heavier. He cried and cried and cried... He didn't even bother to look at the two dark-haired goddesses he was crying too much.

Uni looked at her now revealed to be fellow younger sibling with her own sad eyes. She never expected that there would actually be someone that actually hated having an older sibling. She was never used to this. Sure she had and wanted to live up to her sister's standards, but that was it. She never suffered for anything from her sister just because Noire wanted her to suffer. Neptune and Nepgear's sisterly bond with one another was strong... granted it only became that way during the events of the second remake. Even Blanc, who couldn't stand Rom and Ram at times, couldn't imagine life without her little sisters. Hell, she even knew a pair of sisterly Makers in the form of the famous Leanbox Idol 5pb. and the Mad Magician MAGES., and from what Neptune's friends told her, they were the greatest of sisters. Vert was so jealous that she didn't have a sister that she even tried to take Nepgear from Neptune.

It just made no sense to her... that Eddy of all people had suffered from so much. Just imagining Eddy's brother beating the daylights out of him made her sad... at least until she imagined the CPU of Ultradimension's Planeptune looking at the scene and going Iris Heart just to punish Eddy's brother, only to act motherly towards the short Ed, whispering comforting words into his ear.

Then a thought occurred to the CPU Candidate. Knowing what had to be done, she started walking towards Eddy with a smile. "Eddy?" She said softly.

Eddy, still sobbing his eyes out, could only muster up a "What?" before going back to crying.

Then he felt two hands snake their way around him. He looked up, and his eyes met the ruby of Uni's as she pulled him into a hug.

"It'll be alright, Eddy." Uni said. It was... surprisingly comforting to the short Ed. "You don't have to worry about your brother here. Just think of Gamindustri as a haven for you. A haven for your friends. One where none of you have to suffer any torment. Heck, once we find the legendary weapons, you guys will be heroes." A ghost of a smile could be seen on the younger raven-haired girl's face. It only made the boy happier.

"You really mean that?" Eddy asked. "I mean... about this being a safe haven for me and my pals?"

Uni nodded. "Of course... You don't have to trick anyone here. Here you can just be you. Right, sis?" Uni turned towards Noire, who didn't seem to look like she cared too much. "Um... Noire?"

"Eddy..." Noire began as she herself walked towards him.

"Y-yeah?" Eddy looked at Noire in worry.

"Are you telling us the truth?" She asked. "About all the abuse that this Sarah and Jimmy put you through? About all the abuse your brother put you through?"

Eddy mustered up a single nod, looking surprisingly timid for someone like him. "Well... for Sarah and Jimmy... it's sometimes my own fault... but my brother put me through all of it for no reason and..."

Noire closed her eyes, then opened them again. Uni could notice that there was a resolve in them. A sign of determination. All directed at Eddy.

Noire put a hand on Eddy's shoulders, a scowl on her face. "Listen to me, Eddy." She began. "We're going to look for the legendary weapons. Together. And we're going to beat the guy whose threatening my world. Together. And... once we find a way back to your world..." Noire gained even more determination in her face. "... We're going to beat the daylights out your bully of an older brother. Together."

The short Ed looked at Noire in shock. "W-we are? You're serious?"

"As a heart attack." Noire finished before changing her tone. "Don't get me wrong. I'm not doing this for you. I'm doing this because it's wrong for someone to mistreat their siblings, regardless of whose older or younger."

Eddy could only smile... then grin wide.

"Alrighty then, Black Heart!" He exclaimed happily as he jumped up in joy. "Lets go! Last one to the weapons is a rotten..." Eddy couldn't finish his sentence as he fell down what appeared to be a large hole in the ground, covered completely by a layer of grass.

"What the...?" Uni looked at surprise at the hole as she yelled down it. "Eddy! Are you alright down there!?"

"No!" Eddy yelled. "All I can see is dark. Lots and lots of dark! Can I get a flashlight here or something?"

Noire, looking a bit concerned at her now newfound friend, activated her HDD, jumping down the pit. If there was one thing Noire didn't have, it was night vision... however, that was a totally different case when she was Black Heart, as her eyes naturally shined with a teal color.

"Huh?" Eddy looked confused at the now white-haired woman. "Noire? That you?"

"Shh..." Black Heart shushed the short Ed, her voice much more mature than before. "I'm looking around here." And look around she did. Her eyes scanning the hole surrounding them, taking note of a strange formation close by, one that appeared to look like... a temple? Then, she noticed the strange markings on what appeared to be plaques below a pair of knights... markings that looked eerily familiar. Like the ones Histoire showed her, the other CPUs and the Eds.

"Eddy..." Black Heart turned around to pull out the short Ed from his place. "I think we've found what we're looking for..."


End file.
